Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Innocence Stealing Text Message

WARNING:  To any relatives reading this post (i.e., my mother/my children's grandmother), it's contents will haunt you.

The other day my kids and I were sitting at the dinner table enjoying our homemade pizza and salad.  We were chatting about miscellaneous things and having a pleasant time.

Out of the blue my daughter says, "Neighbor Boy's mom  and her boyfriend are engaged."  "Really?", I say, a bit surprised because they haven't been dating very long. "JK", Lovey says. (There is a lot of JKing -just joking- that goes on these days, it must be a tween thing.)  Without pause she then says, "But Neighbor Boy told us about a text message he saw on his mom's phone." My attention is caught, I look across the table to Handsome who has quickly met eyes with his sister and I can tell he knows where she is going with this.

"What did it say?", I ask.

"Do you really want to know?", Lovey inquires.

"Sure", I say, trying to sound cool because I can tell something is up and I don't want her to chicken out.

Without further ado she says "It said 'I want to wake up with your pussy on my face, and I will be happy'."

Bam!  Shot right between the eyes.  I was expecting something, I was.  But not that.  I thought it was going to be something about them wanting to get married or a secret marriage, that involved not telling Neighbor Boy, something secretive, but NOT this.

Heart beating faster, palms sweating, face cringing.  The first words out of my mouth, "Oh Jesus."

And just in case that first shot between the eyes didn't do me in, Handsome, who is seven, asks, "What is a pussy anyway".

That one was felt piercing my heart.

"It's something really bad", I say to his sweet, wondering face.  Yep, that was my best answer.

"So Neighbor Boy saw this on her phone? Does she know he saw it?", I ask calmly.

"No, she doesn't know.  He looks at her phone all the time.", Lovey says.

"Well, you guys, that was a very inappropriate thing Neighbor Mom's Boyfriend wrote. People shouldn't say things like that.  And you two are not allowed to say anything like that."  And that was it.

I didn't want to over react, but did I under react?

I didn't ask Lovey if she knew what that word meant or if she knew what the whole text message meant.  She didn't ask, so I didn't either.  Maybe I should have?

I want to desperately tell Neighbor Lady that her son is looking at her phone and reading all of her nasty text messages but then chances are she'll say something to her son, who will then say something to my kids.  As much as hearing the word 'pussy' come out of my 11 and 7 year-old children's mouths was horrifying, I want them to tell me this kind of stuff.  And if I tell her, and she tells her kid, and he tells mine, then they will probably stop filling me in.

So I'm having a dilemma in my brain. 

Did I say enough?  Should I bring it up again or leave it alone?  Do I say something to the neighbor?       


  1. That's a really tough position to be in and I don't envy you at all. But I do sympathize, I'd feel the same way you do now.
    I think what you did with the kids was right and by not overreacting they felt comfortable enough talking to you. And that will pave the way for the future.
    About telling the neighbor lady... I would really want to tell her. Maybe suggest that she use the lock feature that most phones have after explaining the situation and how you feel.

  2. I think I would tell her. Since it wasn't like a crime was committed and she probably doesn't want to have that chat with her son anymore than you wanted to have it with your kids so she may not even mention it to the son. BUT maybe discreetly she can make an effort to keep better track of her phone & remind the boyfriend that when he texts her there are kids running around her house that may see it... I think she should know otherwise it could happen again.

  3. I'd say you handled it fine. But I would talk to the neighbor and suggest that she lock her phone or otherwise keep it out of her kids' hands and why. I'd also ask her not to say anything to her son about it, for the reasons you stated. She can fix the problem without talking to the boy.

  4. WOW. I think you did a fantastic job of keeping your cool - I would have choked on pizza!

    I would still talk to the neighbor, it's the teacher in me, I suppose, because its potentially damaging to that child.

    You did a great job!!

  5. Laugh-Out-Loud funny!! I think you handled it great, but aren't you wondering if Lovey knows what the text was talking about? I wouldn't tell the neighbor, it's more important that your kids trust you and she needs to learn how to use the 'delete' button!

  6. Like I said earlier (Blogger, you owe me), I think you should try to have a quiet word with your daughter and say that you are happy to talk if she has any further questions about this.

    But I'm the mom of a 10-month-old boy, what do i know?

    Also, I agree with all the above: the mom should be alerted so she blocks her phone!!

  7. what mom gets a message like that and leaves it on her phone???? I'm thinking she probably wouldn't do anything if you told her. I suggest talking to your daughter so she knows when to delete and who to maybe not text with.

  8. I think you handled it great with your kids. Depends on how well you know they neighbor. If you don't hang out a lot it may be harder to tell her something like that. She probably needs to know though.