While vacationing in the beautiful northern woods of Michigan I read an article in USA Today about good old fashioned journal/diary writing.
Click below to view article:
http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2010-07-29-journal29_CV_N.htm
And so the memories of my 'Dear Diary' days came flooding in and I searched for and found a few of my old diaries.
I have a handwritten account of my life from 1982-1990. It is not a daily account, far from it. But it provides a glimpse of my younger self.
Here are a few goodies from my 10-12 year-old self:
I thought listening to Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye was risky and delightful.
For some reason I was amazed by the movie Coal Miner's Daughter.
My record high for Atari's Pitfall was 64,000.
I got a lot of perms.
I had an obsession with super balls.
I desperately wanted to "go" with someone.
I carried a maxi pad in my Le Sports Sac purse.
I must have had hundreds of sleepovers.
Bubble exclamation marks littered my 'Dear Diary' pages.
Purchasing Bonjour jeans was worthy of it's very own entry.
I loved Oddball sweatshirts.
A few things from my tween and teen years:
Every boy was a 'massive babe'.
I used at least one of the following words in every entry:
"Oh shure", "syke", "bogue", and "style" (sarcastic way of saying I didn't like something)
My braces - the tightening, the wires, the wax for the wires that would shred the inside of my mouth
There were many boys I liked that were 'too popular' for me.
Button fly jeans were cool.
The majority of my teen journaling cannot even be mentioned and will stay hidden behind little gold lock and key. I had a nasty mouth and was self-centered and obnoxious! I don't remember being so annoying. How did my family stand me?
My tunnel vision teenager life revolved around boys, boys, boys and my friends.
I like him, I love him, I want to go with him, I hate him.
She's my friend, she's not my friend, she's my friend again.
It was exhausting just reading it all. It's no wonder teenagers are always tired.
I have a year and a half until Lovey turns 13. Maybe revisiting my teen years will provide hope that there will be a normal, loving young adult who walks out the other side of all of that drama.
I am so not ready for this.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Fireman's Daughter
I am a fireman's daughter. I have always said these words with such pride.
As a kid it was cool to have a dad who was a fireman. Those awesome red trucks, the equipment, the uniforms and helmets. Everyone loves firefighters and I loved telling people about my dad. Firefighters are brave and strong. They are heros and everyone knows it.
As a young girl, I got to visit the engine house and sit in the trucks and slide down the poles. I bragged about it at school. Kids were impressed. My dad was cool.
As a little girl I remember when my dad would return home from a 24 hour shift and I would greet him at the door because.... 1. I couldn't wait to see him and 2. sometimes he brought home the best donuts from a bakery near the engine house where he worked.
Anyway, I loved his fireman smell. His clothes and his hair would smell like fire and I loved it. My brothers and I would ask him to tell us stories about the fires he had fought that night and we would ask if he saved any 'hurt guys'.
Being a firefighter comes with much sacrifice. If you know a fireman chances are he does side jobs to bring in some extra money. Although these men run into burning buildings to save people, belongings and even neighborhoods, they are not paid enough. My dad had many side jobs like window washer, delivery man and airport shuttle service. He did all of these things in addition to being a hero as a fireman and as a dad.
Firefighters sacrifice time with their families. There were holidays when my dad was working. However, I can't specifically remember us having a Christmas morning without him. I believe the firemen with older children would take those shifts so those with little ones could be with their families. You know that Christmas morning magic with little children is pretty special and so firemen sacrifice for each other too.
I knew of the dangers my dad faced being a fireman without anyone ever telling me. I don't remember my parents talking much about that part of the job in front of us kids. I guess they wanted to shield us from that. But of course, when your dad's job requires him to speed an enormous truck through red lights, climb through broken windows, walk up half fallen stairways and through buildings and homes engulfed in flames, well, you figure out pretty quick that his job is risky and dangerous. I can remember worrying about my dad when he was at work and being relieved when I would see or hear his truck pull into the driveway. Which would lead to the greeting at the door, smelling the clothes, and searching for those donuts.
A few days ago, I saw a trailer for a documentary a few producers are trying to get off the ground. This documentary will bring to light just what goes on during a firefighter's shift. Although the documentary will be shot in Detroit and will also highlight the plight of that specific city, the core message will apply to all firefighters.
If you are interested in viewing the Burn trailer click on the link below. You won't be disappointed.
I have not been asked to promote this trailer and am not receiving any monetary gain for doing so.
Quite simply, as the daughter of a fireman who fought for 33 years to keep a city from crumbling, it is a personal mission to spread the word about these men and women who literally risk their lives to help strangers.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
My Life in a List
My kids and I are taking a vacation with my family in a few days. The other night Lovey and I were making a list of all the things we wanted to take, our packing list. We also were making a list of all the food we needed to buy, our grocery list. And there's a list of all the things we need to do before we leave, the to-do list.
I realize I am a list person, they keep me organized and on track. I keep lists at home and lists at work.
I wonder are there people who don't use lists? If so, how do they function?
This all got me to thinking about the different types of lists I have kept through the years. So I did a little brainstorming and realized that the story of my life could be told through the lists I have made. Below is a list of ten lists I have made during my almost 38 years. There are many more than ten, but I'll contain it to the most significant ones. If you piece them all together you'll have a snapshot of me! Here we go:
My Life In List Form:
1. Friend list - This list was created and tweaked countless times proving, beyond a doubt, that I am a female.
2. Boys I've Kissed - I remember making this list in college. This list was also tweaked and added to a few times, proving to most that I was not a long relationship kind of girl in college. And I know that looks bad on paper! But really it's not (really Mom & Dad, really!). I just found boys needy and clingy. Still kinda do.
3. Wedding List - Yes, I was married and had a wonderful wedding. And at this moment is the very first time I've thought about all the money my parents spent on that wedding and am feeling guilty because...well you'll see when we get to list # 7.
4. Baby Name Lists - These two lists will let you know that we didn't find out the sex of either of children until they were yanked out of my girlie parts. There were boy names and girl names for each of them. These lists might also convince someone that we are Irish, especially the list of boy names.
5. Class Lists - These types of lists are given to me every August. These lists have my name printed on the top in BIG BOLD letters so everyone knows I am the teacher.
6. Food Lists - The countless lists of food I've eaten, water I've drank and exercise I've done will clearly be a sign that I seem to be forever trying to lose a few pounds.
7. Divorce Stuff List - This list contained questions for my attorney, my accountant and my pro-bono staff, meaning my brothers. This list turned into a binder, with sections and included the purchase of a 3-hole-puncher. This 'binder list' will show that with the help of the people listed above, I left no stone unturned.
8. House Hunting List - I've made this type of list 3 times. The most recent time was on my own. It was an exciting and scary list to make.
9. Credit Card List - OK calling this a "list" is a stretch but this arrives by mail every month and lets me know where all of my money has gone. This list shows that I spend too much money at Target.
10. Ipod List - This list will not show a strong preference toward any one type of music. It is a hodge-podge of music genres.
Bonus: My Blog List - This list will show that I am already addicted to reading blogs and am in much need of some sort of blog reading management schedule.
If my list of lists worked then you should now know a little bit about me!
I realize I am a list person, they keep me organized and on track. I keep lists at home and lists at work.
I wonder are there people who don't use lists? If so, how do they function?
This all got me to thinking about the different types of lists I have kept through the years. So I did a little brainstorming and realized that the story of my life could be told through the lists I have made. Below is a list of ten lists I have made during my almost 38 years. There are many more than ten, but I'll contain it to the most significant ones. If you piece them all together you'll have a snapshot of me! Here we go:
My Life In List Form:
1. Friend list - This list was created and tweaked countless times proving, beyond a doubt, that I am a female.
2. Boys I've Kissed - I remember making this list in college. This list was also tweaked and added to a few times, proving to most that I was not a long relationship kind of girl in college. And I know that looks bad on paper! But really it's not (really Mom & Dad, really!). I just found boys needy and clingy. Still kinda do.
3. Wedding List - Yes, I was married and had a wonderful wedding. And at this moment is the very first time I've thought about all the money my parents spent on that wedding and am feeling guilty because...well you'll see when we get to list # 7.
4. Baby Name Lists - These two lists will let you know that we didn't find out the sex of either of children until they were yanked out of my girlie parts. There were boy names and girl names for each of them. These lists might also convince someone that we are Irish, especially the list of boy names.
5. Class Lists - These types of lists are given to me every August. These lists have my name printed on the top in BIG BOLD letters so everyone knows I am the teacher.
6. Food Lists - The countless lists of food I've eaten, water I've drank and exercise I've done will clearly be a sign that I seem to be forever trying to lose a few pounds.
7. Divorce Stuff List - This list contained questions for my attorney, my accountant and my pro-bono staff, meaning my brothers. This list turned into a binder, with sections and included the purchase of a 3-hole-puncher. This 'binder list' will show that with the help of the people listed above, I left no stone unturned.
8. House Hunting List - I've made this type of list 3 times. The most recent time was on my own. It was an exciting and scary list to make.
9. Credit Card List - OK calling this a "list" is a stretch but this arrives by mail every month and lets me know where all of my money has gone. This list shows that I spend too much money at Target.
10. Ipod List - This list will not show a strong preference toward any one type of music. It is a hodge-podge of music genres.
Bonus: My Blog List - This list will show that I am already addicted to reading blogs and am in much need of some sort of blog reading management schedule.
If my list of lists worked then you should now know a little bit about me!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Second Chances
The first challenge for ProBlogger's 31DBBB is to think about and try to deliver the purpose for your blog. The number one reason I created my blog was so I could write my Second Chance Moon story.
It is a simple but meaningful reminder that second chances can be very powerful. It is a lesson in not letting a bad decision, one lapse in judgement, one oversight or one moment in time take you down and keep you down.
From there I have just been writing about whatever comes to mind, a little about my kids, a little about being a single mom, a little about family and friends. And I think when I return to school, my teacher life will creep in here also. And although I've only been at this for just over a month, I feel like I'll be working this blog for a long time! My purpose is very broad right now. I know what it is, but it may take some time for it to shine through my blog.
In my best effort to clarify my purpose for Second Chance Moon, I present two scenarios, both taking place in elevators:
Scenario 1:
I step onto an elevator with a stranger, who randomly poses the question, "Do you believe in second chances?"
I respond, "Second chances? As in 'do over' or 'take two'?"
"Yes, that's right", says this strange man while pushing the "3" on the elevator number pad.
"Second chances are the reason I write my blog", I say confidently. "I want to share decisions I make and experiences I have and how I'm finally realizing there is a place for second chances in my life. So yes, I do believe in second chances."
Ding...the elevator doors open, strange man steps off, never to be seen again.
"OK that was odd", I think to myself.
Scenario 2:
I am stepping onto the elevator of the Waldorf Astoria in NYC to travel it up to the Penthouse Suite for an "A" List party. I'm being honored as an international blogging success.
Just as the doors are about to close, a single, attractive, rich, humorous gentleman walks on.
"Hot Damn!" screams the voice in my head.
"I blog about first impressions", he says slyly. "You know you never get a second chance to make a first impression", he adds, inching a bit closer.
"Well, technically, I suppose that's true", I say while trying to act all cool and hard-to-get, "I mean a first impression is a first impression, but what's wrong with attempting to make a second impression?"
I pause and he's intrigued, no doubt, so I run with it.
"As a divorced mom of 2, I have experienced many changes and challenges but with encouragement, support and determination I am beginning to open myself up to the idea of second chances. People should be encouraged to take second chances, big and small. If you give something your all but still mess up the first time, what's wrong with admitting it and trying again? If you don't like where you're at in life you have the ability to change it. To stay in a situation that you know is not for you, well, for what?"
The elevator is clipping along toward the Penthouse. My new friend is nodding in agreement. So I continue my pitch, while thinking to myself, "Wow, this really works. Thanks ProBlogger!"
"I write my blog because I understand it can be overwhelming to start over, personally or professionally. Doubt and fear are two very strong obstacles to overcome. I hope my readers see me as a realistic writer who shares my everyday experiences, many of which include my personal attempts at second chances and the rewards they can bring. There is power and strength in numbers and I use my writing as a stepping stone, for myself and for others to take second chances."
"Very nice", says my handsome friend, "Would you like to be my date for the party?"
Ding....the doors open up. My totally awesome date and I step off the elevator and together live happily ever after.
So there are my elevator pitches. Some silly person said that should have taken 15 minutes to do. Not so much. Assignment writing is much harder than 'off the top of my head' writing. Bring on Day 2!
It is a simple but meaningful reminder that second chances can be very powerful. It is a lesson in not letting a bad decision, one lapse in judgement, one oversight or one moment in time take you down and keep you down.
From there I have just been writing about whatever comes to mind, a little about my kids, a little about being a single mom, a little about family and friends. And I think when I return to school, my teacher life will creep in here also. And although I've only been at this for just over a month, I feel like I'll be working this blog for a long time! My purpose is very broad right now. I know what it is, but it may take some time for it to shine through my blog.
In my best effort to clarify my purpose for Second Chance Moon, I present two scenarios, both taking place in elevators:
Scenario 1:
I step onto an elevator with a stranger, who randomly poses the question, "Do you believe in second chances?"
I respond, "Second chances? As in 'do over' or 'take two'?"
"Yes, that's right", says this strange man while pushing the "3" on the elevator number pad.
"Second chances are the reason I write my blog", I say confidently. "I want to share decisions I make and experiences I have and how I'm finally realizing there is a place for second chances in my life. So yes, I do believe in second chances."
Ding...the elevator doors open, strange man steps off, never to be seen again.
"OK that was odd", I think to myself.
Scenario 2:
I am stepping onto the elevator of the Waldorf Astoria in NYC to travel it up to the Penthouse Suite for an "A" List party. I'm being honored as an international blogging success.
Just as the doors are about to close, a single, attractive, rich, humorous gentleman walks on.
"Hot Damn!" screams the voice in my head.
"I blog about first impressions", he says slyly. "You know you never get a second chance to make a first impression", he adds, inching a bit closer.
"Well, technically, I suppose that's true", I say while trying to act all cool and hard-to-get, "I mean a first impression is a first impression, but what's wrong with attempting to make a second impression?"
I pause and he's intrigued, no doubt, so I run with it.
"As a divorced mom of 2, I have experienced many changes and challenges but with encouragement, support and determination I am beginning to open myself up to the idea of second chances. People should be encouraged to take second chances, big and small. If you give something your all but still mess up the first time, what's wrong with admitting it and trying again? If you don't like where you're at in life you have the ability to change it. To stay in a situation that you know is not for you, well, for what?"
The elevator is clipping along toward the Penthouse. My new friend is nodding in agreement. So I continue my pitch, while thinking to myself, "Wow, this really works. Thanks ProBlogger!"
"I write my blog because I understand it can be overwhelming to start over, personally or professionally. Doubt and fear are two very strong obstacles to overcome. I hope my readers see me as a realistic writer who shares my everyday experiences, many of which include my personal attempts at second chances and the rewards they can bring. There is power and strength in numbers and I use my writing as a stepping stone, for myself and for others to take second chances."
"Very nice", says my handsome friend, "Would you like to be my date for the party?"
Ding....the doors open up. My totally awesome date and I step off the elevator and together live happily ever after.
So there are my elevator pitches. Some silly person said that should have taken 15 minutes to do. Not so much. Assignment writing is much harder than 'off the top of my head' writing. Bring on Day 2!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
31 DBBB Blog Hop
Are you participating in the SITS 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge? Add your link below and add this hop to your blog!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I'm Fun! Kind Of....
I swapped kids with one of my BFFs last night. She took Handsome for the night and I took her daughter to spend the night with Lovey and I. After movies and popcorn, I was downstairs closing up the house, while the girls were settling in to go to sleep. Lovey quietly approaches me and says, "Mom, I told Friend to be prepared because my mom is probably going to come up and get in between us in bed and chit chat." "Oh, OK", I said. *Pause, Pause* "OK Mom?", she says, giving me a look to make sure I understand this code which means when you come in, don't say I told you to come, just come in on your own. Got it.
So moments later enters "annoying, silly mom" *wink wink* to get into bed with the girls. The lights are off, the three of us are cozy and the chit chatting begins. We talked about vacations, why the Ouiji board doesn't work, the fast approaching beginning of middle school and then the conversation turned to Lovey's bed.
"When did I get this bed?" Lov asks me. "Well, you were 4 or 5 I think." "Let's see", I continue, "You first had your crib, of course, which you were in until you were 2 1/2 or so and then you had your bed on the floor", I continue on, and then feel a jab in my ribs from Lovey's finger and since my eyes have now adjusted to the darkness I see she is giving me the finger across the throat back and forth sign AKA "Shut It Off Mom". OhhhhK. So talking about bed progression is off limits with my Tween. Hmmmmm......good to know.
So then we start talking about Friend's pet fish which leads us to the topic of Sesame Street and Elmo's World and how Elmo's fish, Dorothy, always asked the questions that started the topics for that segment of the show.
For example, Elmo would say, "Dorothy wants to know how to ride a bike." "Good question Dorothy!" And then Elmo's World would be about kids riding bikes. I'm sure your following.
So, I say to the girls, "Dorothy wants to know why tweens are happy one minute and crying and mad the next. "Good question Dorothy!" Then, "Dorothy wants to know if either one of you brushed your teeth tonight because something stinks." "Good question Dorothy!" And another, "Dorothy wants to know who do you girls like like?" "Good question Dorothy!" The girls were giggling and laughing. I was a hit!
With all of the good fun, thirty minutes had passed and I started to get up and Lovey says "Not yet Mom, just 2 more minutes?" "Lovey, I'm tired", I say. "But Mom, your fun", she says. *cricket noise, cricket noise* "Kind of", she adds.
This girl is good. A compliment to the mom she really, really loves with a quick recovery to maintain her true Tween status. Nice work Lovey.
So moments later enters "annoying, silly mom" *wink wink* to get into bed with the girls. The lights are off, the three of us are cozy and the chit chatting begins. We talked about vacations, why the Ouiji board doesn't work, the fast approaching beginning of middle school and then the conversation turned to Lovey's bed.
"When did I get this bed?" Lov asks me. "Well, you were 4 or 5 I think." "Let's see", I continue, "You first had your crib, of course, which you were in until you were 2 1/2 or so and then you had your bed on the floor", I continue on, and then feel a jab in my ribs from Lovey's finger and since my eyes have now adjusted to the darkness I see she is giving me the finger across the throat back and forth sign AKA "Shut It Off Mom". OhhhhK. So talking about bed progression is off limits with my Tween. Hmmmmm......good to know.
So then we start talking about Friend's pet fish which leads us to the topic of Sesame Street and Elmo's World and how Elmo's fish, Dorothy, always asked the questions that started the topics for that segment of the show.
For example, Elmo would say, "Dorothy wants to know how to ride a bike." "Good question Dorothy!" And then Elmo's World would be about kids riding bikes. I'm sure your following.
So, I say to the girls, "Dorothy wants to know why tweens are happy one minute and crying and mad the next. "Good question Dorothy!" Then, "Dorothy wants to know if either one of you brushed your teeth tonight because something stinks." "Good question Dorothy!" And another, "Dorothy wants to know who do you girls like like?" "Good question Dorothy!" The girls were giggling and laughing. I was a hit!
With all of the good fun, thirty minutes had passed and I started to get up and Lovey says "Not yet Mom, just 2 more minutes?" "Lovey, I'm tired", I say. "But Mom, your fun", she says. *cricket noise, cricket noise* "Kind of", she adds.
This girl is good. A compliment to the mom she really, really loves with a quick recovery to maintain her true Tween status. Nice work Lovey.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Wiener Talk
Boys and their wieners.... Handsome is like any other boy in many ways including his need to promote his wiener. Usually around 9 a.m. I'll hear the call, "Attention!" This means a few things. One, that he is awake and will be ordering up his morning cup of chocolate milk and two, that he is saluting his attentive wiener. I don't hear the command every morning, but enough times for me to wonder what I'm supposed to be saying to him about it.
The first time this "happened" he excitedly called me upstairs, "Mom come here!" I entered his room to find him flat on his back, hands on his hips and well, you know the rest and he yelled out "Attention!". Oh boy.
First I laughed, I mean it was really funny and totally caught me off guard. Imagine all the grown up men who do the same thing each morning. You know they do.
He's asked a few times "Why is it doing that?" And I never know what to say. I've tried "Because you have to go to the bathroom" and "That's just something it does after you've been asleep for awhile." Seriously, I don't know??
I even demonstrated for him how to lean in over the toilet when it is 'like that' so he doesn't pee all over the bathroom.
I'm certain this is not my territory and I've said some pretty stupid things like "OK Buddy, put it away" and "Ignore it and it'll go away." *Laughing* Two phrases I remember using when I was married.....minus "buddy" plus "a-hole".
And lately I've noticed that this situation is coming 'up' at times other than early morning. A few nights ago, he appeared after removing his baseball uniform which included his sports cup and "Bam!", there it was. He was so proud. Interesting how the pride is not taught, it's just instinctual.
Again, I told him to go to the bathroom and then just sit down and it would go away. Really, I have no idea what I'm supposed to be saying. I'm totally cool with being up front and open with him about all of this stuff, but he's just 7 years-old, so I'm not sure what I should or shouldn't be saying at this point.
At least I know that since he's still flaunting and parading it in front of his mom and his sister, he's still my little boy, because he doesn't know any better. So that part, I'm happy about. Maybe when I stop hearing about it is when I really need to worry.
The first time this "happened" he excitedly called me upstairs, "Mom come here!" I entered his room to find him flat on his back, hands on his hips and well, you know the rest and he yelled out "Attention!". Oh boy.
First I laughed, I mean it was really funny and totally caught me off guard. Imagine all the grown up men who do the same thing each morning. You know they do.
He's asked a few times "Why is it doing that?" And I never know what to say. I've tried "Because you have to go to the bathroom" and "That's just something it does after you've been asleep for awhile." Seriously, I don't know??
I even demonstrated for him how to lean in over the toilet when it is 'like that' so he doesn't pee all over the bathroom.
I'm certain this is not my territory and I've said some pretty stupid things like "OK Buddy, put it away" and "Ignore it and it'll go away." *Laughing* Two phrases I remember using when I was married.....minus "buddy" plus "a-hole".
And lately I've noticed that this situation is coming 'up' at times other than early morning. A few nights ago, he appeared after removing his baseball uniform which included his sports cup and "Bam!", there it was. He was so proud. Interesting how the pride is not taught, it's just instinctual.
Again, I told him to go to the bathroom and then just sit down and it would go away. Really, I have no idea what I'm supposed to be saying. I'm totally cool with being up front and open with him about all of this stuff, but he's just 7 years-old, so I'm not sure what I should or shouldn't be saying at this point.
At least I know that since he's still flaunting and parading it in front of his mom and his sister, he's still my little boy, because he doesn't know any better. So that part, I'm happy about. Maybe when I stop hearing about it is when I really need to worry.
Monday, July 12, 2010
I'm A Single Mom
Who uses the term divorcee' anymore? (I don't even know if I'm spelling it right with that little accent mark?)
I'm pretty sure no one has ever referred to me as such until this past Saturday night when I was at Handsome's football practice.
I was lightly chatting with a dad and the conversation led to him asking, "Where does your son go to school?" I replied, " _________ Elementary." "Oh, so where do you live?", he then asked. And I know he must think we're neighbors, which means that I have to explain that I live in City X, and their dad lives in City Y. City Y is the kids school district city so no, we are not neighbors, but he might be neighbors with my ex. Lucky day. After this explanation (which I find myself giving a lot), Football Practice Dad says, "Oh, you're a divorcee'?"
What?? Come on. People don't use that word anymore. It is soooo1970s and I'm a child of the '70s so I know! That word applies to someone kind of sultry and a bit hippie-ish. Neither of those words fit my description at all! A divorcee' wears flowing, drapey clothes and scarves around her neck or on her head and big earrings and high heels. And, well, I do some of that, but that doesn't make me a divorcee'!
And if my 1970s' memory is correct, if you're a divorcee', you must also be a feminist, which is totally cool and all, but I like to have doors opened for me and I like when men buy me beer and food. So that description does not fit me either.
My answer to his question was, "Oh, well, I guess, but I don't refer to myself as a divorcee'. I'm a single mom." Then there was a second or two of that 'awkward half smile, OK our conversation is over' kind of thing. And that was it.
But I keep thinking about it. I wonder what my 1970s self would think of me becoming a divorcee'? Exciting? Risky? Inappropriate? Daring? Hmmmm...probably all four and then some.
Women like me, we are independent, resilient, strong, flexible and patient. Yep, that's more like me.
I'm a single mom......that's soooo 21st century.
I'm pretty sure no one has ever referred to me as such until this past Saturday night when I was at Handsome's football practice.
I was lightly chatting with a dad and the conversation led to him asking, "Where does your son go to school?" I replied, " _________ Elementary." "Oh, so where do you live?", he then asked. And I know he must think we're neighbors, which means that I have to explain that I live in City X, and their dad lives in City Y. City Y is the kids school district city so no, we are not neighbors, but he might be neighbors with my ex. Lucky day. After this explanation (which I find myself giving a lot), Football Practice Dad says, "Oh, you're a divorcee'?"
What?? Come on. People don't use that word anymore. It is soooo1970s and I'm a child of the '70s so I know! That word applies to someone kind of sultry and a bit hippie-ish. Neither of those words fit my description at all! A divorcee' wears flowing, drapey clothes and scarves around her neck or on her head and big earrings and high heels. And, well, I do some of that, but that doesn't make me a divorcee'!
And if my 1970s' memory is correct, if you're a divorcee', you must also be a feminist, which is totally cool and all, but I like to have doors opened for me and I like when men buy me beer and food. So that description does not fit me either.
My answer to his question was, "Oh, well, I guess, but I don't refer to myself as a divorcee'. I'm a single mom." Then there was a second or two of that 'awkward half smile, OK our conversation is over' kind of thing. And that was it.
But I keep thinking about it. I wonder what my 1970s self would think of me becoming a divorcee'? Exciting? Risky? Inappropriate? Daring? Hmmmm...probably all four and then some.
Women like me, we are independent, resilient, strong, flexible and patient. Yep, that's more like me.
I'm a single mom......that's soooo 21st century.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Do You Have a Bird Nest Near Your House?? Read This!
If you have a bird nest attached to or anywhere near your house you want to read this. This is my PSA for the month.
One day, about 8 or 9 years ago, when Lovey was 2 or 3 years old, she began to get little red bumps on her skin. One here, one there and they were itchy.
On Day 2, there were a few more bumps and I worried it was chicken pox. It was the weekend and her regular pediatrician was closed so I took her to the after hours clinic at the local hospital. They determined it wasn't chicken pox and since we had 2 dogs at the time, the next assumption was that the dogs had fleas and they were bothering Lovey. But why was she the only one with itchy bumps? No answer.
So on Day 3, I took both dogs to the vet and had them checked for fleas. None. But we put them on a high dose of flea killer anyway just to cover that base.
Day 4, Lovey was still itchy with more red bumps. I striped her bed, vacuumed her mattress and washed every piece of clothing in her room. I also vacuumed the rest of the house like crazy and striped the other beds as well.
Day 5, more bumps. Then I saw it. While putting clothes away in her room I saw a teeny tiny moving black speck on her dresser. Then I saw another. What the...?? I began to slowly scan her room and I saw a few more of those speckish bugs on one of her walls. They weren't ants, they are much smaller than that. If I didn't know better I would have assumed fleas, but we had already covered that. Lice? Do lice roam around the room? I didn't think so.
I killed the few that I saw and throughout that day I scanned her room many times killing a few specks each time. They seemed to always be on the same wall and the dresser near that wall, which also was the wall that Lovey's bed was against. Lovey did not sleep in her room that night.
Day 6, I went out and bought a heavy duty bug spray and sprayed the window panes in her room from the inside (she was on the 2nd floor) and the moldings at the top and bottom of her walls. And continued to kill specks throughout the day. It was also right around this day that I discovered a few bumps on my skin as well. Awesome.
Day 7, my mom calls, says she's been researching on-line trying to figure out what the specks are and "Is there a bird nest anywhere on or near the house"? Yes, there is. It was tucked in a corner of the house where the house and garage came together. Which happened to be right outside Lovey's room. The specks in her room were bird mites, aka bird fleas.
Bird mites live on the baby birds in the nest and when the nest is abandoned, the bird mites are desperate to find another host. So in our case, they found there way into Lovey's room and found their host. Makes me sick to even write that. My daughter was the host to a pack of bird fleas.
I immediately called a handy-man friend and he came over that day and removed the bird nest which required removing a piece of siding because part of the nest was in between the siding and the house, right outside Lovey's room. After removing the nest he sprayed the outside of the house with a heavy duty bug fogger. I also called pest control and they exterminated the inside of the house. Steam cleaners arrived to steam clean Lovey's mattress and mine too, since she had been sleeping with me for a few days.
I washed every piece of clothing, every sheet, every towel in the house probably 5 times. I vacuumed everything over and over. And although I was told I could "bag" her stuffed animals and the mites would eventually die and fall off of them (barf), I decided to throw them all away.
We were quickly free of bird mites, but the paranoia lasted for awhile. I was a crazy lady with the vacuum and the washing machine. And I was itchy, with that crawling skin feeling, for weeks.
So, if you have a nest anywhere near your home, keep an eye on it and AS SOON as it is empty, dispose of it. I don't think you need to worry while the birds are still in it. I would hate to see someone hurt the baby birds while they are still in the nest. It is my understanding that the mites only wander after the birds are gone. Be careful with the disposal though, you don't want to touch the nest because the mites can quickly use you as their next victim. Use a shovel or something else to remove it and bag it. Then dispose of it far, far away from your house.
Now is the time to go outside and investigate, because trust me and my host child, you do not want these nasty things coming after you.
One day, about 8 or 9 years ago, when Lovey was 2 or 3 years old, she began to get little red bumps on her skin. One here, one there and they were itchy.
On Day 2, there were a few more bumps and I worried it was chicken pox. It was the weekend and her regular pediatrician was closed so I took her to the after hours clinic at the local hospital. They determined it wasn't chicken pox and since we had 2 dogs at the time, the next assumption was that the dogs had fleas and they were bothering Lovey. But why was she the only one with itchy bumps? No answer.
So on Day 3, I took both dogs to the vet and had them checked for fleas. None. But we put them on a high dose of flea killer anyway just to cover that base.
Day 4, Lovey was still itchy with more red bumps. I striped her bed, vacuumed her mattress and washed every piece of clothing in her room. I also vacuumed the rest of the house like crazy and striped the other beds as well.
Day 5, more bumps. Then I saw it. While putting clothes away in her room I saw a teeny tiny moving black speck on her dresser. Then I saw another. What the...?? I began to slowly scan her room and I saw a few more of those speckish bugs on one of her walls. They weren't ants, they are much smaller than that. If I didn't know better I would have assumed fleas, but we had already covered that. Lice? Do lice roam around the room? I didn't think so.
I killed the few that I saw and throughout that day I scanned her room many times killing a few specks each time. They seemed to always be on the same wall and the dresser near that wall, which also was the wall that Lovey's bed was against. Lovey did not sleep in her room that night.
Day 6, I went out and bought a heavy duty bug spray and sprayed the window panes in her room from the inside (she was on the 2nd floor) and the moldings at the top and bottom of her walls. And continued to kill specks throughout the day. It was also right around this day that I discovered a few bumps on my skin as well. Awesome.
Day 7, my mom calls, says she's been researching on-line trying to figure out what the specks are and "Is there a bird nest anywhere on or near the house"? Yes, there is. It was tucked in a corner of the house where the house and garage came together. Which happened to be right outside Lovey's room. The specks in her room were bird mites, aka bird fleas.
Bird mites live on the baby birds in the nest and when the nest is abandoned, the bird mites are desperate to find another host. So in our case, they found there way into Lovey's room and found their host. Makes me sick to even write that. My daughter was the host to a pack of bird fleas.
I immediately called a handy-man friend and he came over that day and removed the bird nest which required removing a piece of siding because part of the nest was in between the siding and the house, right outside Lovey's room. After removing the nest he sprayed the outside of the house with a heavy duty bug fogger. I also called pest control and they exterminated the inside of the house. Steam cleaners arrived to steam clean Lovey's mattress and mine too, since she had been sleeping with me for a few days.
I washed every piece of clothing, every sheet, every towel in the house probably 5 times. I vacuumed everything over and over. And although I was told I could "bag" her stuffed animals and the mites would eventually die and fall off of them (barf), I decided to throw them all away.
We were quickly free of bird mites, but the paranoia lasted for awhile. I was a crazy lady with the vacuum and the washing machine. And I was itchy, with that crawling skin feeling, for weeks.
So, if you have a nest anywhere near your home, keep an eye on it and AS SOON as it is empty, dispose of it. I don't think you need to worry while the birds are still in it. I would hate to see someone hurt the baby birds while they are still in the nest. It is my understanding that the mites only wander after the birds are gone. Be careful with the disposal though, you don't want to touch the nest because the mites can quickly use you as their next victim. Use a shovel or something else to remove it and bag it. Then dispose of it far, far away from your house.
Now is the time to go outside and investigate, because trust me and my host child, you do not want these nasty things coming after you.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Texting V Calling
Hands down I would text over make a phone call any day. And it's sad. I feel guilty about it. The simple reasons are:
1. I am busy and/or tired and don't have time to/not in the mood to chat.
2. Those who are on the receiving end are probably busy and/or tired and don't have time to/not in the mood to chat.
It's not right and I know it's not right. I often feel guilty for not calling people just to chat. However, if I were to call someone and say, "Hey, just calling to talk", they would wonder what was really up because it is rare that I just call to chat. Except my mom. But mom is readily available almost always, she's retired and doesn't have kids around, so she's easy to call.
It's cliche, but so true, that the moment I do make a phone call or receive a call, my children are next to me. Why? They are not babies or toddlers but this still happens the majority of the time. They can be outside playing for two straight hours with the neighborhood kids and I realize I could actually make a phone call and possibly have a decent conversation. And just as I push the last number, one of them walks in to complain, get a snack, doesn't want to play outside anymore, and "Who am I talking to?", and then shoves their face into the speaker of phone to say "HI" no matter who it is I am talking to. So, there goes the pleasant conversation, which leads back to the argument for texting.
There's a guy I know who only converses with me via text but he refers to it as "calling" As in, "I called you yesterday" (written in a text). My response "U (text form of 'you' of course) did?" He replies with a confident "Yes". And I say (write) "You didn't call, you sent a text". He says (writes) "Same thing". Which I know it is not. It is so not the same thing. Just more convenient and efficient. But those kinds of relationships are surface-y and not real.
Gone are the days of talking on the phone for HOURS. I miss talking to my girlfriends for hours and hours, with a burning hot ear and still so much to say. Laying on the floor, feet on the wall, phone cord no longer coiled, but mangled to a stretchy mess. That doesn't happen anymore. Even though there is still so much to say.
So, I feel guilty for not just calling to say "HI". And I've decided...I'm going to do it! I'm going to call my girlfriends one by one and call just to talk. Maybe I'll send a text in advance stating "I'm calling u in 1 hour. Be prepared to chat." A courtesy text, so kids and husbands can be in bed or eating popcorn or just starting a movie or something occupying when my phone call arrives. Then we can chat, even if it's just five minutes. Five minutes of authentic, no BS, conversation time is better than none.
1. I am busy and/or tired and don't have time to/not in the mood to chat.
2. Those who are on the receiving end are probably busy and/or tired and don't have time to/not in the mood to chat.
It's not right and I know it's not right. I often feel guilty for not calling people just to chat. However, if I were to call someone and say, "Hey, just calling to talk", they would wonder what was really up because it is rare that I just call to chat. Except my mom. But mom is readily available almost always, she's retired and doesn't have kids around, so she's easy to call.
It's cliche, but so true, that the moment I do make a phone call or receive a call, my children are next to me. Why? They are not babies or toddlers but this still happens the majority of the time. They can be outside playing for two straight hours with the neighborhood kids and I realize I could actually make a phone call and possibly have a decent conversation. And just as I push the last number, one of them walks in to complain, get a snack, doesn't want to play outside anymore, and "Who am I talking to?", and then shoves their face into the speaker of phone to say "HI" no matter who it is I am talking to. So, there goes the pleasant conversation, which leads back to the argument for texting.
There's a guy I know who only converses with me via text but he refers to it as "calling" As in, "I called you yesterday" (written in a text). My response "U (text form of 'you' of course) did?" He replies with a confident "Yes". And I say (write) "You didn't call, you sent a text". He says (writes) "Same thing". Which I know it is not. It is so not the same thing. Just more convenient and efficient. But those kinds of relationships are surface-y and not real.
Gone are the days of talking on the phone for HOURS. I miss talking to my girlfriends for hours and hours, with a burning hot ear and still so much to say. Laying on the floor, feet on the wall, phone cord no longer coiled, but mangled to a stretchy mess. That doesn't happen anymore. Even though there is still so much to say.
So, I feel guilty for not just calling to say "HI". And I've decided...I'm going to do it! I'm going to call my girlfriends one by one and call just to talk. Maybe I'll send a text in advance stating "I'm calling u in 1 hour. Be prepared to chat." A courtesy text, so kids and husbands can be in bed or eating popcorn or just starting a movie or something occupying when my phone call arrives. Then we can chat, even if it's just five minutes. Five minutes of authentic, no BS, conversation time is better than none.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Fireworks
The kids and I finally saw fireworks last night. Handsome was sick for two days so Saturday and Sunday fireworks were not an option. Thankfully a nearby city saved their display for July 5??? Worked for us!
We sat on our blanket for an hour and a half watching the interesting parade of folks settle in for the show. People wear some unfortunate outfits in public. Seriously, there were A LOT of people who had gone to Walmart before showing up for the fireworks. Daisy Dukes worn by the opposite of Daisy Duke, fat teenage boy with no shirt, woman wearing something that looked like a shirt in front but a bra in back, man wearing shorts with black knee socks and sneakers, just to name a few. Lots of smokers, too, huffing and puffing with their kids around. Nasty.
So the people show was almost as good as the actual fireworks. For me at least.
Finally the real show started and the three of us lounged on our blanket, together, gazing up at the always beautiful fireworks. How often do you lay on a blanket outside with your children? Not often, so I totally took in the moment. There we were safe, happy, together. I realize it won't be long until Lovey wants to go to the fireworks with friends and not her mom. And Handsome will follow a few years later. But last night was perfect. The three of us, side by side, enjoying a very simple pleasure. And when the finale was over Handsome yelled out "Hallelujah"! Loved it.
We sat on our blanket for an hour and a half watching the interesting parade of folks settle in for the show. People wear some unfortunate outfits in public. Seriously, there were A LOT of people who had gone to Walmart before showing up for the fireworks. Daisy Dukes worn by the opposite of Daisy Duke, fat teenage boy with no shirt, woman wearing something that looked like a shirt in front but a bra in back, man wearing shorts with black knee socks and sneakers, just to name a few. Lots of smokers, too, huffing and puffing with their kids around. Nasty.
So the people show was almost as good as the actual fireworks. For me at least.
Finally the real show started and the three of us lounged on our blanket, together, gazing up at the always beautiful fireworks. How often do you lay on a blanket outside with your children? Not often, so I totally took in the moment. There we were safe, happy, together. I realize it won't be long until Lovey wants to go to the fireworks with friends and not her mom. And Handsome will follow a few years later. But last night was perfect. The three of us, side by side, enjoying a very simple pleasure. And when the finale was over Handsome yelled out "Hallelujah"! Loved it.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Any Men Like My Brothers?
If I could find a man with half of the qualities as either one of my brothers I would be thankful. My brothers, both older, and who were often E-VIL to grow up with are now top notch, cream of the crop guys. They are both dads and fatherhood just seems to have come to them naturally. Both are hard workers, professionally and personally. They have great friends and family. :) They are just good guys, plain and simple.
Having such great brothers means that the bar is set pretty high for any potential future man in my life. Which is good. It's a great reinforcer of standards. Just in case there is ever a moment of weakness and I think "Oh well, maybe it's OK that he's a little bit of a loser"......one look at my brothers and I would be quickly reminded of the qualities that make a good man.
Is it bad to be on a date and repeatedly refer to one's brothers? I can't seem to help it though. I heart them, and find them to be such good role models for the kind of man that is worth any ounce of time. So, these brothers of mine just thrust themselves into my conversations. Would a potential suitor find this annoying? Maybe? But I don't care, it's part of the weeding out process. I guess it's one way of letting "other" men know, that there are already some really great men in my life, and if they don't intend on being just as fabulous, they ought to bow out immediately.
I'm not convinced, however, that there are many decent, dateable men available. When people ask me about dating they often say "must be hard to date", "all the good ones are taken", "most guys must come with lots of baggage", and so on and so on with the encouraging comments. So it can be a bit depressing if I really think about it.
So the good news is, dating is not a big priority for me at the moment. I am happy and busy with other things in my life. I feel like I'm on a road leading to new opportunities and it is an exciting feeling! I'm not sure I'm wanting to share much time with a man right now. However, while it's not a necessity, should a good, brother approving man appear, it would be a bonus!
Having such great brothers means that the bar is set pretty high for any potential future man in my life. Which is good. It's a great reinforcer of standards. Just in case there is ever a moment of weakness and I think "Oh well, maybe it's OK that he's a little bit of a loser"......one look at my brothers and I would be quickly reminded of the qualities that make a good man.
Is it bad to be on a date and repeatedly refer to one's brothers? I can't seem to help it though. I heart them, and find them to be such good role models for the kind of man that is worth any ounce of time. So, these brothers of mine just thrust themselves into my conversations. Would a potential suitor find this annoying? Maybe? But I don't care, it's part of the weeding out process. I guess it's one way of letting "other" men know, that there are already some really great men in my life, and if they don't intend on being just as fabulous, they ought to bow out immediately.
I'm not convinced, however, that there are many decent, dateable men available. When people ask me about dating they often say "must be hard to date", "all the good ones are taken", "most guys must come with lots of baggage", and so on and so on with the encouraging comments. So it can be a bit depressing if I really think about it.
So the good news is, dating is not a big priority for me at the moment. I am happy and busy with other things in my life. I feel like I'm on a road leading to new opportunities and it is an exciting feeling! I'm not sure I'm wanting to share much time with a man right now. However, while it's not a necessity, should a good, brother approving man appear, it would be a bonus!
Friday, July 2, 2010
One Parent Household/Two Parent Household
Being a child of divorce sucks. For sure. I know this not as a child of divorce myself, but as the mother of children of divorce. Your mom and dad live in separate houses. That sucks. You have separate vacations. Not ideal. Your family pictures are with one parent, not two, makes me sad. I hate all of this for my kids.
However, being a child of divorce doesn't mean you're going to be screwed up. Really it doesn't. Didn't hear that? Let me state once more, being a child of divorce does not mean you're going to be a screw up.
So when I recently saw a comment that said (and I'm paraphrasing so ignore the quotes) "you can pick out the 1 parent household children from the 2 parent household children", it made my blood boil. I'm sorry, for real, I could have totally kicked ass right then.
Do my children have worries, fears, confusions, and sadness because of divorce? Yes. They. Do. They have had to deal with emotions that many children have yet to experience. It's not fair, I'll be the first one to say that and I totally believe that it is not fair. I'm even pissed at "their parents" for getting a divorce. But, can you "tell" they have divorced parents, good Lord I hope not
.
When I first saw that comment I was mad and offended and certain in my mind that no stranger would be able to "tell" my children had divorced parents. But as I thought about it, I began to wonder. Can you "tell"? Are there apparent signs that my children have two homes, two beds, and that when they get a hug and kiss 'good night' from mom, they don't get one from dad? And when they get a hug and kiss 'good night' from dad, they don't get one from mom? I hope not.
I try so hard to make my kids' lives as happy and loving as possible. I know they miss out on certain things and I know they wish their parents weren't divorced. I wish their parents weren't divorced, too, for them not for me. That's a whole other story.
And I truly believe kids with divorced parents can be just as happy as kids with married parents. And whose to say kids with married parents are under a healthy and loving roof? We do the best we can and I pray that my kids are growing up feeling happy, loved and blessed. I feel happy, loved and blessed because of them, that is for certain.
However, being a child of divorce doesn't mean you're going to be screwed up. Really it doesn't. Didn't hear that? Let me state once more, being a child of divorce does not mean you're going to be a screw up.
So when I recently saw a comment that said (and I'm paraphrasing so ignore the quotes) "you can pick out the 1 parent household children from the 2 parent household children", it made my blood boil. I'm sorry, for real, I could have totally kicked ass right then.
Do my children have worries, fears, confusions, and sadness because of divorce? Yes. They. Do. They have had to deal with emotions that many children have yet to experience. It's not fair, I'll be the first one to say that and I totally believe that it is not fair. I'm even pissed at "their parents" for getting a divorce. But, can you "tell" they have divorced parents, good Lord I hope not
.
When I first saw that comment I was mad and offended and certain in my mind that no stranger would be able to "tell" my children had divorced parents. But as I thought about it, I began to wonder. Can you "tell"? Are there apparent signs that my children have two homes, two beds, and that when they get a hug and kiss 'good night' from mom, they don't get one from dad? And when they get a hug and kiss 'good night' from dad, they don't get one from mom? I hope not.
I try so hard to make my kids' lives as happy and loving as possible. I know they miss out on certain things and I know they wish their parents weren't divorced. I wish their parents weren't divorced, too, for them not for me. That's a whole other story.
And I truly believe kids with divorced parents can be just as happy as kids with married parents. And whose to say kids with married parents are under a healthy and loving roof? We do the best we can and I pray that my kids are growing up feeling happy, loved and blessed. I feel happy, loved and blessed because of them, that is for certain.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)